All the Wrong Things
by Farfallama
Summary: Lily loves the Marauders, she does, but does she always have to say the wrong thing around them? Rated for innuendos. Done as a birthday gift. I don't own Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings!


A/N: This is my first Harry Potter oneshot in a long time, and the first one I've ever published in the Marauder Era. The inspiration for this fic came from my best friend and another really good friend of mine. This is basically our lunch table every day (but she hasn't been by lately, that minger.) In any case, this is for Mandy. Happy Birthday Luv!

**Title: All the Wrong Things**

**Author: Farfallama**

**Rating: T for Innuendos **

**Summary: Lily loves the Marauders, she does, but does she always have to say the wrong thing**

**around them?**

_0_0_0_0_

Lily took a moment to absorb her surroundings. Never in a million years would she have imagined herself sitting at lunch, her friends and the Marauders dissolving together like sugar and water. It was a far cry from just a few months ago, when each group dominated an end of the table and the rest of the Gryffindors sat in the middle.

"I'm so glad we're all getting on so well with each other," Lily commented. Her friends looked at her curiously, but James just pulled her tighter into side.

"I know what you mean. Just a few months ago we were fighting like kids."

"I'm feeling almost… nostalgic. I don't know what's gotten into me," Lily said.

Sirius started to snicker, and the laughing spread quickly around the table. Even James was laughing, she could feel his body shaking.

"What did I do?" Lily asked.

"More like who did you do?" Remus muttered, and the comment set off a fresh round of laughter. Lily turned as red as her hair when she realized _exactly_ what they were insinuating.

She huffed, "I'll have you know that James and I haven't… you know…"

"What darling? Boinked, banged, shagged, done the nasty, popped the cherry, buttered the muffin, there's plenty more where those came from," Sirius said, smiling mischievously.

"Sirius! Just shove it already!" Lily exclaimed.

More laughter.

"When and where darling? When and where?"

"Alright, Sirius, I think she's had enough," James warned. There was a grin on his face though, so Lily wasn't sure how much of an effect it would have on Sirius.

"Are you sure James? I'm pretty sure I can last a lot longer than this. I'll have you know, my recovery time is miraculous."

Apparently not much.

Lily felt her blush return full force as more laughter shook the table. She supposed it would be funny if she had actually made them laugh on purpose.

Just then Eloise Angus approached the table. She was a once pretty girl who had fallen into the wrong crowd and was now a cold, sometimes cruel person. She had nearly driven poor Sirius mad when she had gotten him drunk, seduced him, and then pretended she was pregnant.

"Sirius darling, what do you say we meet up in the astronomy tower later? I haven't seen you in forever."

"Not a chance in hell Smeagol." 

"Sirius, what does that mean. You won't tell me," Eloise whined pathetically.

"Nothing, now get a move on. I'm done with you," Sirius stated, turning back to his lunch.

"How did you know about Smeagol?" Lily asked. "I've never mentioned Lord of the Rings at this table."

"I started it after Sirius told us what happened. Sirius thought it was a good thing at first started calling his dick Precious. You know, since Smeagol was so obsessed with the ring he called it Precious." Remus said.

"Oh. So Sirius liked it when Smeagol stroked the Precious, huh?" Lily asked.

Every eye in the group was on her. And then Sirius burst out laughing.

"That, my dear Lily-kins was the best thing you've ever said. Simply wonderful."

James was laughing as he kissed Lily temple, and she smiled smugly, glad to have finally been on the right side of the joke.

_0_0_0_0_

A/N: I hope it was okay. Mandy is Lily and Sirius is my best friend. They have this weird brother/sister relationship, but they argue all the time. Always on the opposite sides of the issue. Oh well. I keep telling them their chemistry would be incredible, but no!

Happy Birthday Mandy!


End file.
